Radical Fapping Is Required

When a hawt chick is dying medical professionals have to resort to drastic measures, a de-fap-rillator! - WTF!?!

In honor of The Sound of Music's 50th anniversary and to celebrate its legacy, The Onion's head film critic, Peter K. Rosenthal (comedian Ron E. Rains), provides a touching tribute to the beloved film.

This guy just bought a brand new jet ski and within the first minute of putting it out on the water he slams into a pier injuring himself and busting up his new toy.

Can’t wait for the new iPhone? Well if this video is anything to go by it will be right up your street. Apple are focussing all their efforts on making your pictures of food better than ever!

Having zero idea what's happening is technically both, 'fair,' and, 'balanced.'

In Russia you don't illegally park your car, traffic wardens park it for you - It's like playing one of those crane games, but instead of winning a stuffed animal or a crappy watch you get a slightly damaged new car!

This cat haz a sad. So much so that he's lying across the train tracks, just waiting for it all to end. Unfortunately for him the traintracks are smaller than he is and the train doesn't have the juice to end it all.

Girl can dance! Woo's crowd AND it looks like she's having a great time. - COOL

Deep in the rain forests of the Amazon it looks like the horror of Starship Troopers has finally come true, there is some kind of large smart bug spreading infection amongst the local population and it aint pretty!

It's great to see that this pig can still get around despite only having his two front legs. What did Orwell say about '4 legs good, 2 legs bad'? It's all invalid when you think about how delicious he will be.

Skaters and BMXers move aside! The walking frame gets in on some well deserved kudos!